Merry Christmas, Jerk
by WLiiAfanatic
Summary: Wanda and Blonda get into a fight on Christmas Eve. It's corny AND clichèd!


**Disclaimer: **I do not own The Fairly Odd Parents, nor do I own Christmas (but that one's pretty much a given)

**Author's Note: **Happy holidays, my fellow FOP fans!

My favorite part of the holiday season is definitely the Christmas specials and movies that are coming on all through the month of December. And this year, the family decided to TiVo every special we could find in the TV Guide! The plan was working out fabulously, but the other day I realized one thing we missed…It's A Wonderful Life!

I couldn't believe I'd missed it! It's never officially Christmas for me until I see that movie. I needed a substitute this year, and this is what I came up with. I know, I know, you're probably wondering what my weird obsession with Wanda's family is. It's just fun for me to write about, I guess. (And it might also be that I just watched "The Three Wise Guys" on USA a few hours ago. Great movie!)

Well, with all that said, I'll end this author's note and start the one-shot. Enjoy!

**Merry Christmas, Jerk**

"God, children are so _stupid_!"

There goes Blonda again with another Santa crack. I was really angry by then; not only was she ruing the spirit for me, but poor Tony has always been so sensitive. It was easy to see she was hurting our youngest cousin with the "Santa doesn't exist" remarks. What a horrible thing to do on Christmas Eve night!

"But he _does _exist, Blonda!" Tony cried back. "I _know _he's real!"

Blonda sighed in an annoying snobbish way. "One day you'll understand that it's impossible. It's nothing but a child's game."

"Last I checked," I spoke up in Tony's favor, "you were still in elementary school."

"Shut up, Wanda," Blonda rudely snapped at me. "You should know by now that I'm mature beyond my years."

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, puh_leeze_!"

"And what is _that _supposed to mean?"

I smirked. "You mean you're stupid _and _a Christmas killer?"

I could clearly see Blonda's face turning red. "_You're _the stupid one! Anyone who can celebrate this stupid holiday without throwing up is the idiot!"

"It's not a stupid holiday!" Tony and I yelled back in unison.

"Yeah, it is!" Blonda snapped. "It's so _annoying_! There's no point in any of this!"

I'd run out of patience with my twin's remarks. "Drama queen!"

The next thing I knew we were rolling around on the floor, practically clawing each other's eyes out.

Blonda and I had always been fighting lately. It all started around last Christmas, actually. On the twenty-third of December, Mommy left. Blonda was _really _sad, but she'd never show it. She kept covering it up with lies about rehearsing for the school play or something. I remember Daddy being really sad, too, when he and I were looking through all the stuff she'd left.

It wasn't much, really. Just a photo album, a few outfits that we found in random places on the floor of the closet, and her wedding ring.

That was the thing that really made Daddy upset. I can remember him just staring at it in disbelief. "Daddy?" I'd asked. "Are you okay?"

My father did the strangest thing then. He picked up the ring off the floor and put it in my hands. Daddy didn't say anything as he left the room.

As soon as Blonda had found out I got that ring, she was furious. Mommy's wedding ring was one of the most beautiful things in all of Fairy World, and she'd always wanted it. I never gave it up, though. I always had this fear in the back of my mind that Daddy loved Blonda more than me, and the ring was the only thing I had to convince myself otherwise.

So we'd argue.

This time it was our oldest cousin, Dominic, who heard the two of us screaming and came to pull us apart. "Hey!" he yelled. "Cut it out, you two!"

Our cousin used magic to pry us apart, which I thought was an unfair advantage. Blonda and I don't even have wands yet.

"Fine!" my disheveled sister yelled. "I'll stop. You little _kids _can return to your merriment."

As Blonda stormed upstairs, Dominic asked me, "What was that all about?"

"She's such a jerk!" was the answer I gave as I took Tony into the den to join the rest of our family.

* * *

Everyone had left our house a few hours later. It was way past my bedtime, but I was still on the sofa with Daddy when the family was gone. He looked at his watch and asked, "Shouldn't you be asleep?"

"I'm not tired," I answered. Truth was that I was feeling really guilty about what I'd done to Blonda. It was Christmas Eve, after all. It was wrong of me to be so mean.

Daddy sighed. "Dominic told me about what happened with your sister."

Dominic would snitch on anyone and anything for my father. He'd do anything to guarantee Daddy's trash business in his hands one day. I don't see why it's so important to him. I don't think I'll _ever _understand boys.

I looked at my father feeling nervous. I was afraid that he'd find a way to get me in trouble and let Blonda off the hook.

It was almost useless to feel that way, though, because Daddy just studied me with a weird expression on his face. My father isn't really the type to yell at us, but he has this way of looking at us that makes me feel so guilty, even if it isn't being directed at me.

After about a minute of my father's glaring, all he said was, "Don't you ever miss your mother?"

I was confused as I answered, "Sure, but why should I let that stop me from enjoying my life?"

Daddy gave me one of his I-can't-believe-she's-really-part-of-this-family looks (I swear, he had a look for _everything_).

His question suddenly clicked, though. Blonda missed Mommy, and that's why she didn't have any Christmas spirit this year.

That's when I started feeling _really _bad. Not because of the fight, but because of how mean I'd been with that ring. I would never wear the thing, I knew that. But Blonda…she really did deserve it.

"Daddy?" I asked timidly after a minute or two of thought.

Daddy took his eyes off the floor and looked back at me.

"Would you mind if I gave Blonda the ring?"

My father gave me yet another weird look. "Of course not."

I smiled and flew up to my bedroom. I had just tossed the ring in my memory box when I first got it, and I almost never took it out. It took me a while to find it underneath all my pictures and other assorted trinkets, but I was able to dig it up. I enclosed it in my right hand and put my arms behind my back to hide it as I exited the doorway. Blonda stopped me halfway to her room.

"I'm sorry, Wanda," my twin said. "It was mean of me to ruin your night."

"No, I should be sorry," I said. I put my hands out infront of Blonda and revealed the ring. "For everything."

Blonda's eyes widened. "You really want me to have this?"

I nodded. "I think it's how Mommy would have wanted it."

Blonda eagerly accepted my gift and slid the ring on. It hung loosely on her ring finger, causing her to giggle. "Thanks a lot, Wanda."

I smiled. For a minute, it was like we were sisters instead of boxing opponents. And even though both of us knew that it would all change the next day, we embraced the moment.

Isn't that what Christmas is for?


End file.
